Lady

I was talking to Yangkyu the other day about how I don't post about Lady often on the blog. With Piri and Bartles, any chance I got, I was taking pictures, editing and writing a story about them. There was so much to talk about with them.

With Lady it's been considerably different. Have you heard of the middle child syndrome? Where the middle child feels they are constantly excluded or left out because the first child and the last child gets all the love and attention? If Piri and Bartles were still alive, Lady would have been the middle child. And for a moment I was wondering, "Does Lady feel like that middle child?"

Caring for Piri when he got very old and sick was incredibly difficult. He was able to get around fine. His mobility at 17 years old amazed me but feeding him was extremely hard. He had lost his appetite completely but he needed to eat, but also eat a diet that met his renal failure and cancer needs, which contradicted each other (renal diet needs less fat, protein, etc. while a cancer diet needs it). I had switched his diet to home cooked meals and I was constantly in the kitchen making one meal after another until he finally ate something that he could eat. This was every morning and evening. Piri also had trouble drinking water and so I would give him droplets via a dropper. And giving his daily medication was a challenge as well. People kept suggesting things - cheese, peanut butter, pill pockets. I had done them all and more but there were days when he just didn't want to have anything. That is just what happens to old sick dogs. And you watch a once very lively dog who once had a voracious appetite wither away and break your heart in the process.

Bartles had Cushing's Disease. It was something we knew he had when we adopted him and that was ok with us. Because of the illness he had limited mobility (dog's hind legs become considerably weaker with Cushing's) and he had a hard time getting around. His eye sight was partially compromised as well. He would do what we called "Bartles hops" whenever he saw leaves or a crack in the sidewalk thinking he needed to jump over it. 

Bartles came just two months after Piri crossed the rainbow bridge. I was still grieving so hard for Piri and even though I still felt physically tired caring for him, caring for another sick senior dog was what I wanted to do. It was the only thing I had known for a long time.

For 7 months that Bartles was with us, I slept downstairs with him every day. I got up multiple times in the middle of the night when he stirred or began to circle (a habit that got worse during the last couple of months that he was alive). I got down on my hands and knees and supported his weight so that he could move around during the last couple of months when his mobility was really compromised. Just as I had done with Piri, I hand fed him. Bartles had a good appetite but sometimes he had trouble getting food in his mouth. I acted as Bartles shadow and was there any time he got himself into a pickle. 

Lady joined us just a week after Bartles crossed. And she was completely different. At 14 she was incredibly healthy. The only medical issue she had was incontinence. She walked well, ate well and stayed home by herself well. Piri's separation anxiety came back when we moved to our home and when he got old and sick and frail I couldn't leave him home alone because he would pace constantly, exerting the minimal energy he had. Whether we were gone for 30 minutes or 3 hours, Piri would pace non stop. Bartles was able to stay home by himself but because his mobility wasn't that great he would sometimes fall and couldn't get back up by himself. Or he would have an accident and would fall on it. With Piri we took him everywhere with us and with Bartles, I was constantly home with him. 

Perhaps it was the 2 years and 7 months of constantly caring for sick elderly dogs, but with Lady all of the sudden I became (for a lack of a better word) lazy. Or perhaps because she was such a low maintenance dog, I found myself doing and enjoying things I had forgotten about. I went out more when we didn't have guests dogs. I read books in cafes and enjoyed farmers markets with just Yangkyu. But I began to abandon things I once loved as well. Pictures - I took less pictures. I stopped knitting and crocheting. I stopped making things, baking, cooking and learning new things. During the first couple of months when Lady came home to us, I sometimes spent afternoons doing absolutely nothing. Nothing. 

I wondered if perhaps my mind and body was just looking for a break. Or maybe this was my body's way of rebelling like a teenager. And so it was like this for 5 months.

Right around on New Year's Day though I felt a sense of renewed motivation (sounds so cheesy! but the right words and phrases are escaping me today). I had a hard time looking back on all my old photos and blog posts because it reminded me too much of Piri and Bartles, but I took a look at them and there were some really great moments and blog posts. I should continue and not feel like I have hit a wall. 

I am still figuring out how to best feature Lady on Instagram and the blog. With Piri, everything was natural. I found him doing things and almost all our pictures and videos were candid. Bartles, too. With Lady though, she's a little like me. Incredibly awkward in front of the camera. So every time I put up my phone or camera, she sits and has the most unnatural face expression (I get you, girl. I get you). She has gotten a lot better so I am thinking that as time goes on I'll be able to get those candid moments of Lady. 

Lady is not Piri and she is not Bartles. Perhaps I was also trying too hard to recreate something that I had with my two boys. But she deserves something special. Something of her own. And I believe that this year that special something will come about organically. 

 // These photos were taken a couple of weeks ago when we had our first "real" snow. We borrowed Bartles' old jacket and had a little photo session.

 // People ask me if I would adopt a sick senior dog again. Absolutely.